Friday 31 August 2007

nearly home not nearly packed

A few things:

Chris and I have a flat! Loads more details to come but we're leaving just him and I, along the Regent's Canal, in E2. We've secured our place and move in around the 29th. Amazing. But to be perfectly honest, I haven't even see the place yet. He was in charge of viewing today and he liked it, so there you go. Two weeks holding deposit. Done.

24 hours and I'm nearly home. I'm a bit drunk as we went out to celebrate our flat/holiday and I basically had a bottle of wine to myself. Oh well. Love a drunk and pack.

That's all. I report back on the other side of the Atlantic. I still can't believe I'm this excited to leave London, England. But I have had a lot of time to reflect today on how much I've changed and where I am in life. I am about to move in with my future husband. I am officially, and only now officially, an adult!

Tuesday 28 August 2007

another

I haven't kicked the stress but I've regained a sense of humour. And an appetite. Well at lunch I didn't feel like eating but the amazing french meal I had for dinner made me completely forget my troubles!

Yes, Chris is having insomniac sympathy pains. He told me over this amazing piece of salmon I had for dinner that he was having dreams of throwing footballs around and in real life he could feel himself making a fist to throw and simulating this motion, which inevitably woke him up from a light sleep. I too could feel myself drop off asleep, then wake up suddenly. That's when you know that you won't be able to fall asleep again for another hour. The quick jolt.

Yesterday whilst travelling on the train back to London from Birmingham I felt that I had figured out the meaning of life whilst we were travelling through a tunnel. We had these two pesky children and lazy Black Country parents and I realised why parents shouldn't procreate, but this dire need to. And I swear I had the reason why we're existent, but then we came out of the tunnel and it now escapes me. Then the annoying family got off the train at Snow Hill, as did Chris and I. Then I stressed more. Then read Kurt Vonnegut. Chris read John Updike.

I keep thinking, maybe I'll get sacked? That's in more of an optimistic way like when you're hungover and think, maybe I'll get hit by a car, as in, please allow that happen. I would rather be in hospital than here. (In all seriousness, I don't compare work to hangover to car accident. I just need a holiday. 3 days!)

Saturday 25 August 2007

early

Oh my! On Friday's at work, get have early dismissal at 4pm. This actually means Sophie and I head down to the pub, have two bottles of wine, stagger to Camden. Meet Chris, have another glass (I have no idea how I finished it) then Chris and I stagger down to have some vietnamese. Then we flop on the tube, come home, watch batman forever only for me to fall asleep at midnight.

Thankfully I don't feel suicidally hungover today as it's a) bank holiday weekend and we're travelling back to Brum and b) we have to go out and find a flat which is an excruciating experience.

And apparently it's a big night out in Birmingham tonight. I hope it doesn't turn into fog night where everyone looks like hell in photos.

And only 4 more days of work until Canadian holiday!

Thursday 23 August 2007

nasty

I'm struggling. I'm having massive anxiety right now and I'm really upset with facets from my work.

Personal problems I'm having right now though are as follows:

My friend Tom phoned me and I hadn't spoken to him in nearly two years, well voice on voice, we've spoken via net and firstly he told me that I'm have a bit of an accent, and I felt that whilst speaking with him, I was being a bit self involved, and was being highly outgoing, and doing silly voices which really isn't me. And I'm having a bit of personal change trauma right now. And I'm afraid that in going home, all these changes, most of which I haven't realised have happened, they will all surface and it will turn out I'm becoming a bit of a shitty person. I don't think fundamentally I've changed, but I'm not usually so me me me (this is funny on a blog as it obviously is all about me...but really in life, I prefer hearing others speak).

I'm just horrendously nervous about going home. So nervous and so anxious that I can't even envision myself getting on the plane. Aside from the fact that I have to get through another week of work, every time I get on the tube, I keep thinking that I'm going to die.

And today on the bus ride home from work, I was nearly weeping (but that's related to something entirely different). And I came home, and was speaking to Chris and started to cry. August seems to be the month of the cry. I think it may be due to the fact that I'm not exercising my brain properly and I'm feeling consumed by this vacuous, anonymous city, and even playing scrabble a bit tipsy on Monday, I was actually physiologically angry, something I've never been before. I came home and felt my blood bubble and my temperature rise. And I was really moody, even with my friends which I never am, only boyfriend because he'll still love me regardless.

Is this symptomatic of anything? Am I cracking?

Sunday 19 August 2007

fete

The typical Stevie affair. Drinks. Sweeties. Man down at midnight. Me spilling vodka all over my crotch and having to take the bus home with wet pants. The boys went a bit weird and primitive having their faces painted and boasting a water gun fight. And lastly, which is actually firstly, us walking to bloody Turnpike Lane which is in the middle of nowhere and the three of us, (Chris, Alex and I) becoming severely lost and agitated with one another, not speaking, not even remotely happy until we had a burger king whopper. However today I'm not hung over, I just feel insanely gross from having eaten a whopper and a bigmac in one weekend. Today for lunch I had a salad. And tonight I'm only going to eat soup. Fun night though.

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Saturday 18 August 2007

frome

Well well. I'm off to Stevie's again which can only mean debauch, carnage, three legged races, ring toss, many many cakes and most likely too much absinthe. They're having an English Festival at their house with stalls and prizes and it's fancy dress as a classic english villager, but I have no idea what I'm going to wear but if Chris goes at Pete Doherety, the village drunk, I'll be Kate Moss, village beauty etc etc as clearly there's more to that...

Also, I'm now more than ever before thankful that I was in my school's rendition of The Sound of Music. However brutally embarrassing it is because there's a tape immortalizing how awful a singer I am, it made me learn the words to the whole bloody soundtrack. And when you go to your bosses house for drinks and a bbq which turns into a 1am everyone really drunk singing along to the Sound of Music, doing the So Long, Farewell dance and remembering it all, one can't help but think, maybe this will help me get ahead. Or maybe it will make one think that I'm not really that shy. Or that I can't really hold my liquor.

It was fun yesterday at work though when everyone was dirty hungover and we all went for a mcdonalds. Yes, carrying McDonlads down bond st is always a classy affair.

Wednesday 15 August 2007

speedy

I breathe a sigh of relief. My female housemate Suzy is back from Estonia, Latvia and Finland and there is a girl in the house again to lay down the clean law. Speaking of, Chris is shaving off his beard right now and I've found a few minutes of solitude.

Mistake typing that as he's back in the room drying his baby face off.

But a few observations: I was walking to our house which are brown stone townhouses, Edwardian style and each one has a flower box in the window. And every house in this upper middle class neighbourhood has gorgeous tulips, daffodils, daisies, etc planed. There are 5 house in a row and each is lovely. Minus ours which is brown, dead weeds with dead daisies in a plastic pot. And everyone had lovely planters on their doorstep. We have our recycling bin and compost out. And apparently our house leaks onto the house next door and we're destroying their walls. On the plus, we don't blast James Morrison at 3am so we can't be hated that much.

This weekend is shaping up to be full of fun. And today I had the massive giggles at work which hasn't ever happened, and really hasn't happened as of late in general. And tonight Suzy and I were being ridiculously silly, mainly hearing her do an american accent whilst saying Zoolander quotes. She doesn't have it quite down yet.

Ok, Chris looks so Austrian when clean shaven. It's bed time. I need to think of more substantial things to say, but me laughing at work is a good sign.

Tuesday 14 August 2007

ok ok

Things are far better. But a bit messier. I did complete all the laundry, however our bedroom is now full of clean clothes on the floor instead of dirty ones.

London has turned shit and rainy again. Except the bloody tube is disgustingly humid still. My face does literally run down my face. I've quit wearing mascara as it just cakes off on to my cheeks by the end of the day.

I've shifted around a bit at work as well. I'm in limbo currently by starting next month, I believe I'm doing fashion PR fully as opposed to just one account which is exciting, however I'll miss out on all the fun music stuff that we've got planned for January.

And sometimes I feel when I leave work at the end of the day that I'm one of the worst PRs because I'm far too blunt and obvious about things. For instance, there is an advert here regarding that power outage that happened in Ontario, Pennsylvania, New York etc in 2003 that portrays it as quite lovely and wonderful, showing the community enjoying the darkness and sitting together (Joanna Newsom did the soundtrack for the advert which really does add a bit of mood) and I said, actually it wasn't that romanic really, we did get free ice cream but mainly there was a bit of panic since it lasted, what, 4 days? (I was so gutted because it was right before I left uni and I had a tv in my room for the first time in my life and I had hooked up our Super NES and was playing boyfriend at the time at Dr. Mario (and absolutely destroying him might I add!), then the power cut and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. 4 hours in we had mad cabin fever, but only due to Dr. Mario being taken away in such a cruel fashion). Ok, so that's one instance. And when i'm hungover, I don't just blag and say I'm tired, but I think I do that because it's insanely obvious that I wish I was dead.

Only 13 more working days until I'm home for two weeks!

Saturday 11 August 2007

surreal

Well yesterday the hysterical laughter simply turned into hysterics which I won't dive into horrific detail actually I'm leaving out all of them (just in case). Let's just say I had one of the worst days yesterday and couldn't really sleep last night.

However in the cliched and voted best quotation from cinematic history "tomorrow is another day" (Scarlett O'Hara, Gone with the Wind). Even though tomorrow is already today. And today is sunny, gorgeous and really the best opportunity to air out my dirty laundry (literally). I'm washing everything I own right now, and basically all of Chris' stuff too. We're doing all of our sheets, shirts, pants, socks, you get the point. We've even moved our drying rack onto the balcony. And as for starting the flat search, because of the drama pertaining to yesterday we're putting it on hold until next weekend.

And 3 weeks today we'll be on our way to Gatwick to return to Canada (or in Chris' case to go there for the first time and be overwhelmed by the outpour of love from my family, apparently they're travelling in two cars to get us because everyone wants to go, I spoke to my dad on the phone yesterday and he said he's just going to go and not tell anyone because he feels "enough is enough". Thanks dad).

And tomorrow the rain starts again.

Thursday 9 August 2007

95-96

I"m laughing hysterically right now.

Chris was just twiddling around on his guitar and started playing Peaches by Presidents of the United States of America which lead to a sing along, which lead to YouTubeing videos which lead to me, in gr.6 loving these songs. They're still amazing, and I'm so serious. Weird Al, post ironic, hugely influential. And I remember hearing Lump through the gym walls when I was in gr.6 when the gr.7 and 8s were at the school dance and wanting to be there so badly whilst I was binding a book I had written for english. I was speaking to my gr.6 crush on the phone whilst watching much music and Big Me came on and he said "I'm going to have to call you back" so he could watch it without any distractions. And I was all over Beck like a rash. I have Odelay on cassette. I remember hearing Sonic Youth at 12 but not really getting it. And I remember watching KIDS, and not really that either. Why did we grow up to be so serious?













Tuesday 7 August 2007

head

I've been having some bad days lately. And Chris was an absolute doll and took me out for an amazing at our favourite little french restaurant where we eat mussles, crepes and ummm...rabbit? The server came by and I ordered up and Chris, casual under pressure, ordered rabbit. Need I mention that our family pet rabbit died a few months back now (Milton RIP). I had a bite, and I can't say I would ever order it myself but it was quite tender. But seriously, where it comes from. hop hop hop

Aside from bad days, all the rest are great. But our room is an absolute tip. And I keep buying new clothes so I don't have to go searching through the old stuff. Mainly, we need to start looking for a one bedroom flat tomorrow but that requires far too much effort. I'm pro Foxtons. I don't know how my partner in crime feels though.

Monday 6 August 2007

29.5c

One last funny thing. I'm dating sport guy who I've never dated before. Two previous boyfriends have been the least interested in sports guys imaginable. One was an artist, the other a musician. Chris likes books too but we have to listen to the cricket, watch the football, and when it's on, rugby too. So when the game was on and someone scored and they all jumped up and I didn't because my reaction time wasn't in proportion, I felt a bit a fool.

I also loved when Villa got a penalty shot and the boys high fived each other. What have I gotten myself into?

29c

It's still warm-ish here. Well I was so hot last night, and woke up this morning to grey skies, however still assumed it was humid but it was quite cool. But later this afternoon it warmed up considerably and now my face is quite red from being hot.

Some from a few posts back, during the Baileys rant...here's that story that isn't metaphorical at all, just something funny, well something I would only find funny, and maybe my friend Brynn.

I went to Sainsbury's on Berkley st. (just to let non-londoners know, that's quite posh Berkley st. and Sainbury's is only a grocery store). Anyway, I bought some fruit and was eating it outside of Starbucks still on Berkley st. Then a homeless guy came up to me whilst I was mid-watermelon-bite and asked me for some change, which I sincerely didn't have, except since I was mid bite and thought it was moderately funny that I was eating fruit outside of Starbucks on Berkley st. and was being asked for change, I sort of giggled like you do at restaurants when you're mid-bite and the server asks you a question, and he stood there and sort of laughed as well. I then swallowed and said that I was sorry and didn't have any, and amazingly enough, he said, "oh darling, that's quite alright". I usually get either no response or expletives said under their smug little breaths. Umm...I reminded you before that my life is boring and I have to get my kicks somewhere right? It was a sincere moment though in my phony life full of PR. (not that I am complaining, but I feel like the last genuine dinosaur).

These are some photos of Villa, Martin O'Neil and Chris and I who went west west west Midlands to Bridgnorth to explore the vast country of England. It was lovely and quiet and we found this old church and graveyard.

I feel as though this week is going to go by a glacial pace though. Even though today was super busy, so is tomorrow, and actually so is Wednesday, but mark my words, come Thursday, a slow down. And this weekend?

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Sunday 5 August 2007

30c

Whoah. It's actually about 29c in this country. Actually in the midlands, I bet it's even warmer in London. I went back to Birmingham with Chris and co. to see Villa play Inter-Milan. My first football match was received rather well and I got to see my husband in the flesh (will upload photos upon our return to London this eve).

And last night I had a great night at James' parents were we played Wii, had a bbq and drunk some beers. Then Chris and I returned to his parents house and watch CSI until I fell asleep, then until I woke at 8am to someone mowing their lawn. Suburban noise is far harder to sleep through than urban noise, minus the dink who owns the masserati and revs it up each time he decides to drive away.

I'm still feeling more nihilistic than usual. But I'm braving it all for a drive along the english country side since it's a gorgeous day! I feel far more placid however leaving London. I hadn't left in nearly 2 months, or at least not since Wales and that's a bit excessive. And the count down has begun until Canadian holiday, ummm...26 days left and only 20 working days left (I think?)

Sorry, my life is rather mundane and boring.

Thursday 2 August 2007

take that back

I've been bidding on ebay like the adult I am, and completely forgot about it, and didn't win! I lost by £1. I've done that about five times this year.

I'm going to my first football match tomorrow. Shit on the city! Actually, kiss on Martin O'Neil's face. Would he leave his wife for me? He did put his career on hold to take care of her whilst she was ill, but I want to kiss him so badly.

Hmm..I don't know if I should mention this, but I'm drinking a post-work cocktail of bailey's on ice, so I'm a bit tips, and am listening to REM, I bet this is translating into my strange dialect that makes little to no sense about little to nothing.

But I have a funny, metaphorical story sort of. Oh and both of my watches stopped at the same time. Basically I'm going to die. Before I get married.

refined

Things have been really hilarious lately for me. Mainly because I'm hyper-cynical. Other than that, it's because my attempts at a higher sense of being, but truly, thinking far too much. I've had funny incidents with tramps, beggars, boyfriends, old friends, work colleagues, and mobile phones.

Video cameras too.

But as much as I hate being in my 20s, as much as I really do, I love this plight of finding things out about yourself that you didn't know existed.

Also, I'm getting married.