part two

Last post ending was merely a pause. According to my father (first phone call at 1.15pm GMT time), the visitation went well and he was leaving for the airport in 4 hours and would try to catch me then. Second answer phone message at 5.00pm GMT- we're now leaving for the airport, I'll email you. Thanks dad, love your trivial phone messages. But yes, everything is fine re: grandmother. I've been fine except yesterday I was looking at a pair of Alexander Wang sunglasses when a workmate said, oh those look like Dame Edna which always reminded me of my grandmothers as she had this super thick rimmed glasses purchased in the early 70s with rhinestones all around. Apparently it caused a lot of embarrassment for my mother as a teenager but I always thought they were badass.

And this is something that I keep thinking about, I don't know when it started, maybe a year ago...? But I keep thinking about when you die, and your body starts decomposing and it's really frightening me, especially over the past 3 months or so. I'm not afraid to die at all, but I'm so afraid of my body evaporating into nothing. I couldn't care less what would happen to my soul, or not happen, actually that's a lie because I believe in reincarnation but I'm a bit more liberal about it because I don't think my soul will become something else, but I do think I was a cat in a past life because I do love to pet. But I digress, do you follow? Soul needs to be left out of it, it's a mute point. But the physical aspect of bodies rotting. Yes my grandmother is being cremated which is equally as morbid, but I couldn't stop thinking about her glasses and what would happen to them. And if my mother would have to come across them cleaning out her house over the next six months.

Resolution for next week: stop obsessing about death and being so materialistic.

comb

Infinite amount of brushes with mortality and adulthood. I find myself googling 'how to get a good credit score' and 'joint savings account'. I remember when I first moved to London I couldn't imagine the burden of having a mortgage and how it seemed like a far off dream not conceivably possible, nor is it really now in central London but it's something we're striving towards in the next 2-3 years which means we're all grown up, even though Chris did manage to pull off a homicidal hangover on Sunday where he couldn't stop being ill.

Point two. My grandmother died on Saturday night (afternoon Canada time). I guess I'm more in shock than anything else which makes no sense at all because she had been very ill for the past three months but she was a medical marvel having smoked for over 60 years and was cancer-free her entire life. She wasn't a typical granny either which is I think a bit awkward to explain because she was so stubborn and opinionated on absolutely not factual merit, which I know is a testament to the elderly however she was Danish and when explanations would transition in and out of Danish, it made her ramblings about my hair being in my eyes meaning that I'll be blind when I'm 40 (same for those wearing contact lenses) for example simply endearing. It was a long standing joke in my family that she would outlive us all, similar to that of let's say a Keith Richards.

Anyway the moral of the story is that I thought I would go home for a week but there is only going to be a visitation and then a memorial in September for her birthday when I'm home for a holiday. My mother is ok which is the most important thing. And really that's that.

There's more but I think I'll leave it at this. And that.

day off

I wouldn't pigeonhole myself to suggest that I am a control freak however having one solitary day off makes me panic just a bit. I'm mainly terrified that I haven't done something and it's going to come to light and I always have to bee three steps ahead.

But in much happier news, it was Chris' birthday yesterday and because he completely failed on mine, I had to have this amazing day for him (basically mind games to make him feel guilty for being such a shit, but not really because I honestly don't care, that much). So he was loaded with gifts, and I bought him this amazing card and his work mates and our friends came along for drinks last evening, and we booked today, have dinner reservations at a new incredible restaurant in Shoreditch but as I tiny jab to his day of splendor, I'm dragging him to Ikea to buy wicker baskets and other stuff. He's currently fast asleep, or could be awake but refusing to get out of bed because he knows the trip is imminent.

But please, I rarely pull the bitchy wife card but feel that I've earned it this time round. Now buck up and wake up please. I need tea and breakfast.