22

Birthday weekend. Last night was disorganised fun with boyfriend. Quick drinks after work, then fish and chips, debating what to do, then settling on our local pub, and 12.5% Hoegarden and red wine. And tonight is meal night, i.e. reason for living on a plate and through decor. We're going back to Les Trois Garcons, the restaurant we went to last year for my 22nd birthday which is stunning. And we're doing cocktail first in their attached cocktail lounge. And this is all east London so we don't have to travel far, not that it's going to stop us from taking a taxi.

It's freezing cold here though. But I still managed to make it to the market to buy gourmet cheese and sausage for a snack because our reservations are for 9:45pm tonight, with cocktails starting at 9pm. Now my day consists of reading the paper, eating cupcakes, snuggling on the sofa, and listening to football, the latter of course is not by choice. Maybe I'll put a Hitchcock on. And only 3 more days of work left until Christmas holiday. We're back in Birmingham on the 21st I think, then perhaps off to Belgium on 26th if someone doesn't buckle down and commit to new years plans.

drinking problems

http://www.thechoiceisyours.com/en-gb/home.htm

I keep losing at the part where I have to carry the drinks. And I can actually read quite clearly when I'm pissed.

And according to alcoholawareness.co.uk, I have a drinking problem.

Tropical

Today is my day. Aside from the rain and me leaving my umbrella at work today, it's been a decent morning. Chris left early for Oxford and won't be back until around 2am and instead of being bored because I'm not being constantly entertained by him, I'm going to spend this time doing things I need to get done as well as enjoying time alone. We've now been living together alone for three months and whilst it's absolutely great, I've noticed we've become a bit nervy with each other. But I think that it's related to other incidents with me working all day and him sitting around and becoming slightly depressed.

I feel really bad about not being in better contact with friends from home right now. I'll fully admit that I've been quite caught up in myself and have borderlined on super obnoxious to supremely full of shit (in the nicest way possible). So today is good day to find a balance between everything. Not that I'm feeling lost because now really more than ever I feel like I'm at home however it makes me disconnect with Canada home and everything/everyone there. It's tricky now because I can't remember what it was like when I first moved here and lived here jobless for 8 month and everything I did accomplish personally has been a bit erased.

Nonetheless, moving forward. On Wednesday, I found this Mickey Mouse dvd that is the same vhs that a friend gave to me for my 6th birthday. So weird the things you remember.

square

I just logged on to facebook, saw I had 1 inbox, read the subject: Tova's Advice. First line of the message "I love a bi sexual man". I'm sure the person who sent that message might be a bit perturbed with me referring to it, but I suppose it's all part of this charmed life and the fact I have answers (or advice) for all. Sincerely needed that push to return to normal so huge thanks to the sender, so glad you thought of me.

Plus I work in Soho now so I see it all.

And speaking of, it's quite fantastic aside from the fact that I think Soho is like the Bermuda triangle. You always know landmarks and how to get there from the outside, but navigating from within it is nuts. I google mapped something about three streets away because I had no idea how to get there from within. I've been a bit manic so I haven't explored very much, but tomorrow I'm going to be a bit adventurous for lunch, perhaps do a wander and see a life beyond Pret, Eat or Vital.

I had a bit of a shocker on the weekend but I think I'm back to normal as a person. I've felt like there hasn't been a massive differentiation from my work self vs normal self vs weird self attempting to be outgoing but failing slightly. And to make things even better, Chris booked my birthday dinner and pre dinner drinks at the restaurant we went to last year, Les Trois Garcons which is this amazing french restaurant with the most eclectic, elaborate and quirky interiors located near Brick Lane. We went last year and it was an extraordinary experience and I'm really excited for my birthday now.

get the wrong idea and go

I've become a bit of a pit. An exaggerated version (now constantly) of my former self. January I completely detoxing myself, both alcoholically, verbally and physically. My jeans don't aren't really fitting me right now. This isn't really self criticism but you know when you say something or act a certain way and you float out of yourself and replay what you just said, or the way you acted again in your mind and think what a ****.

Which brings me to detoxing verbally. I blame PR and England for my ease and casual dropping of c--t. It's still funny whenever I say it at work because it comes unexpected but still, I haven't ever been comfortable saying it, and now I do about 10 times a day. I guess the one plus to this is that I'm still self aware, and brutally self conscience of

On a much happier note, Sugababes, Push the Button is on television right now. My sexy ass has got him in a new dimension. I like the bit when the girls are dancing in the lift. And lately, Chris and I sit around watching adverts and laughing and laughing. When did television become so funny?

a new low

I'm waiting for my towel rack to heat up (lies) so I've lurked out facebook whilst watching Spice Girls top 40 hits, solo and group. But we're only on 20 and it's their awful solo songs that I've never heard and I only want to watch Stop which will probably be number 1 and I'll be gone by then (in theory). Sundays are spent solo as Chris goes to band practice and makes me think that we really do have a co-dependent relationship for entertainment solely.

Last night a few of us went down to the Dove which boasts and excellent variety of Belgium beers and good times, I guess. And Friday I wen to Jonas' flat warming party which is amazing because we had to cross the road to get there. It sort of parlays into my Friday day taxi ride with a house DJ cum driver, day time job to pay for xmas presents and December bills. But we had a great chat about music and the digital age but this was haunted in my mind so when we went to Jonas I went through Chris' friend's ipod until 4am, and probably outstayed my welcome by an hour being a bit drunk and stupidly cerebral (sorry Jonas and Pippa). Embarassing.

Whoah, I recognise one of these solo spice songs. Miss Elliot featuring Mel B. Still a bit shit. I hope my towel is warm now.

scared, cold and wet

I'm watching the Exorcist and remembering why and how I was traumatised as a 12 year old the first time I watched it. Chris has never seen it and took a toilet break. It's tipping down with rain, our living room is freezing and I'm actually afraid all over again. Seriously, why did I watch this movie alone when I was so young? Why am I sitting alone now?

Electric

It's' such a nasty day out. It's freezing, raining and pretty dreary. And I find that living by the canal makes the breeze and/or gale forced winds far colder. I regret having to buy milk and dishwasher powder this morning.

And Chris is sick, yet again. Why are two blatant hypochondriacs with weakened immune systems living together? He's tucked into a bath and is now enjoying beans on toast and the paper. I'm over an illness that stemmed three weeks with no days off because I was too busy. I've been doing mass PR product placement over the past month for Christmas but it has come to a halt and things have toned down.

And we heard our Christmas holiday time which is fantastic as I have a long stretch of time to go to Prague for a long weekend, Birmingham for Christmas then back to London for New Year's. No idea what I'm doing, or really what anyone is doing for New Year's. I don't even like to plan this far in advance but thanks to Facebook, people are already making plans.

And lastly, personally, I went to Tate Modern with Chris on Friday to stimulate my brain. Since receiving this television, we haven't done much aside from me coming home, Chris cooking me amazing dinners then watching tv. So dreadful I know, but I felt like my brain was turning a bit to putty. However you know days when you look back at night and think, wow, I was really funny today? That was mine on Friday. The sayings of a severely insecure individual I'm sure. But we had people round the flat later that Friday then we all went out to our local pub which is cosy and sells an exceptional variety of Belgium beer. And yesterday I spent horizontal watching Property Developer that resumes right now so I have to go.

I didn't have internet

We've moved. We're settled and we finally have BT line and therefore have internet.

I am the epitome of domestic bliss. Aside from the fact that I just dropped my bathmat into the canal and it's floating away. Lots of pictures of my new home and new neighbourhood coming soon.

so this morning

Second night in a row that I've had a shit sleep, but even calling it a sleep is an overstatement. I've been awake since around 5:30am and finally got out of bed at 6:45am because I knew that if I fell asleep, I would end up feeling worse. It's this house (old house). Especially now that everything has been boxed up and shifted around, there is so much dust in the air and I'm congested and wheezy all over again. And I can definitely feel myself getting sick because I'm not sleeping properly, but this morning (which it still is, it's now 7:17am here) I woke up that early mainly due to stress, but couldn't fall back asleep because of this congestion. I'm repeating myself but I'm slightly delirious. Last night I kept dropping asleep but housemate Tet who is moving into mine and Chris' room, was building stuff and knocking around so I would wake up at the slightest tick. So in the past two nights, I've had many 9 hours sleep, which is usually my going rate per night.

And because of this stress, not only do I feel it physically, but mentally. However, a massive relief was actually seeing the flat last night. And signing the contract, even if upon signing the contract, we find out that our flat is actually, after all, after many trips to bloody Ikea, after all that time spent etc. furnished. It is just a comedy of errors with this flat but in fact it's easier, even if the furniture is rather bachelor pad and way too big for the size of the flat. We'll make it work. And we have a great mattress which means that I may actually sleep well. Chris has to complete the annoying task today of denying Ikea delivery (we've spoken with customer service and this sort of thing happens frequently). One rather awful thing about today is that we're having a press launch tonight which means I have to work until around 9pm. So I'm working 12 hours, sleeping 4 1/2 whilst in the process of moving. I'm reaching exhausted, or I am just getting sick...yet again...