it's a nice day to start again

I don't know how to use our scanner otherwise I would post a few polaroids we took from our wedding day. It was charming, whimsical, effervescent, I'd hope a real crowd pleaser. I'm happy and Chris is happy so ultimately that's what matters most. That and I get to wear Tiffany's for the rest of my life. And we got a juicer as a gift and my husband has found his new calling.

Today I'm dress in head to toe black, turtle necks and black jeans. I think I just needed a break from the light and bright. And tomorrow I'm going to cut my hair.

The temperature in London has dropped hugely with the one plus being it's sunny and the other plus being it's not freezing yet. I think for the month of November I'm going to consume only juice. My detoxing is rubbish because I always cave and drink or eat three steaks in one week but in all seriousness I'm not going to consume any meat for November and try my darndest not to drink any booze. We have a juice and smoothies recipe book and I know that Chris proclamation of "from now on I'm only buying industrial amounts of fruit" means only a liquid diet. The amount of food I ate on Saturday is unreal. Last night we had pizza as a final hurrah but I honestly can't put anything else solid into my mouth. Well I did have left over pizza this afternoon for lunch but my stomach is so far expanded right now it's unreal.

One highly evident advance I've had biologically from marriage is these spots (or acne) I've had on my forehead as completely cleared up. I still get the odd spot on my face but I've never had any creep up on my forehead until about 6 months ago when it was really bad along my hair line and just simply red and irritated. I woke up on the wedding day and mosturised and when I came back into the bathroom to assess the situation, I noticed that it was completely clear. I think that area of the face is linked with stress so it could be that, or just the fear of dying alone maybe, or ultimately I'm now a grown up and had to grow out of it. Or that the British summer is over and my skin is immaculate in the winter. All of these theories are viable but I'm going with the 'til death do us part' stress relief that I hopefully now, won't be alone for the rest of my life, which I had feared for about 9/10ths of my life.

My husband started a new job today that he is really excited about and I just spent about 3 hours on myspace for the first time in two months, lurking out strangers blogs. I'm promising myself tomorrow that I start getting real and committing myself to doing what I want to do with my life, as now I have one less thing to worry about. Spotty foreheads.

trivial pursuit

Here are a few things I've learned from these past few days. One. If you quit drinking wine for two weeks and have managed to deflate, you will ultimately reinflate after two glasses on Saturday night. Two. If you are inevitably drinking these two glasses of wine, don't mention fertilisation to your poor innocent friend who is enjoying her diet coke. Three. If you do mention babies, fertilising and that is incompassed try not to bang on about it after your boyfriend has returned from the toilet. Four. If you do continue to bang on, try not to drag him into the conversation as it makes him uncomfortable too. Five. If you do drag him in and get him to mention baby names he likes and dislikes, try not to change his mind on the names that you decided a few weeks ago when battling insomnia (apparently my disease this summer, I can't fall asleep before 2am now, and neither can Chris). Six. If all these pieces of the pie come together then abandon play, cut your loses and get a frozen cheesecake. Wait two hours for it to thaw then enjoy.

This (being that, up there) and this (me waiving my arms about) isn't really funny. I have always sought after a tangible existence, preferably not digital, and holier than abstract and it's nearly be achieved. Chris and I, in order to prove our courtship and "intent to marry" have to prove that we are a couple. We need to show photographs, postcards, letters, joint bank statements, joint insurance claims, our one bedroom lease with both of our signatures. Tangible proofs of love but we've also been quizzing ourselves at night, just in case they ask us questions that one should probably know about another person. Pet names, weird silly expressions that we have for things, birthdays, important people in our lives, university majors, childhood traumas and happy holidays. I once referred to my love for Chris as sustainable, this made him laugh.

I'm dreaming of a white wedding

Literally. I just had an anxiety dream about my wedding. Everything was ready but we kept having to postpone the date because we just couldn't get there in time. I wonder what that means?

I did however manage to make it and stay alive in Covent Garden (which really, I've only been to about 5 times in my life) for a party, then dinner in Chinatown with Suzy. She, after 6 pieces of sushi, proclaimed that she was full. Needless to say that when the ramen soup and dumplings then another order of sushi arrived, she found the courage to continue. Then we were manipulated into going into this bar in Soho by this poor guy who has to recruit and only gets paid by the amount of people who can lure in. It was a moment of weakness. We then had champagne and Glaswegian dance lessons which, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't understand a word the guy said. And then, some drunken tart knocked the glass of champagne out of my hand, didn't notice, didn't even apologise and continued dancing. Suzy was not impressed with this behaviour, the staff then ready with buckets, mops and dustpans swept up the debris immediately and proceeded to do so throughout the night. Really nothing is better than a wet mop beating against your feet perpetually throughout the evening.

So I wished a few awful things to happen to that tart girl, (nothing too vicious however) and Glasgow bought me a glass of rose to make it up to me, which tasted like poison and I proceeded to pour down the drain in the toilet (I felt that if I dropped it, with the mop people around, it would be too obvious).

And this weekend, I'm finally going to see Wall E!! And I think tonight we're going to some east end club...?? I haven't been briefed in full on the details but it could prove to be another fun night. I'm soaking up as much London fun as possible, just in case I can't get to my wedding on time.

very dull but quite happy

Days of yore.

I think this whole nostalgia thing has a bit to do with my trying to reach Brynn a few nights ago whilst she's in Taiwan and I'm here and realising that we I haven't heard her voice in two years. And realising then how much has changed in that time. And how two years is a bit of a geographic anomaly along with being a timeframe. But ultimately realising that it's tricky to call Taiwan, made even harder when someone leaves their mobile off and a Taiwanese operator speaks to you.

My personal life is nearly perfect, except for being in the throws of a emotionally violent catch 22. I've grown tired of the bureaucracy of the UK however I am continuing my fight for free work (not working for free). And over pints, glasses of wine and three very poorly played chess matches, Chris and I came to our ultimate decision on what we're going to do.

And lately we've playing the "would you break up with me if" game. On really funny, irreverent, non-negotiables Chris has narrowed his break-up clause to Stepford Wife, wide-eyed wake up calls and genuinely enjoying Flo-Rida (i.e. all time favourite). We're quite dark evidently.

My days are now spent mostly inside of my own head, and I'm reading more. And running everyday now. And I can't believe that Nadal beat Federer. And I can't wait for the Olympics. And to just feel that everything has settled back down again.

New fears far from nostalgia... Am I becoming trite?

permiable

I've just reached a pinnacle stage in my life where I think that I'm actually younger than my parents believe.

I was speaking with my dad on the phone on Sunday and we were discussing some of my friends having babies, and his assistant who is around 21 just having a baby as well and I said 'how would you feel if I was pregnant now?' which I thought was a moderately uneasy question which would cause a bit of panic but he responded 'you're 23, I know that you would be able to take care of baby and be a good mother'. I was shocked. My dad now thinks that I am old enough to have a child and in fact nearly condones it. I personally don't feel ready at all to have a baby even though my maternal instinct is in hyper-drive.

Next, I am going through some turmoil at work as my work visa has currently run out and we're seeking sponsorship however I've had to take a leave of absence and therefore will not be earning over the next few months, that is if this sponsorship can actually come through. Yesterday, quite traumatic however I came home and spoke with my mum who said to just get married. And I replied 'don't you think I'm too young to get married?' and her response true to my parental conform was 'you're 23 and in a loving relationship, you've lived with your boyfriend for a year and a half and intend to get married anyway, what difference does it make if you do it now at city hall then in a few years have a proper wedding ceremony?'

My ultimate question that I doubt I'll ever be able to answer is when did I grow up? Apparently now there really isn't anything that could shock my parents. If I came home and said I was pregnant it would be joyous and if I was married, it would be wonderful. It just seems a bit odd to me. Well I am out of work in the UK for at least 2 months so I"ll have plenty of time to think about it.