I just had a wicked bout of nostalgia and everything that has changed and my friends at home and stuff like that. I'm really inarticulate now. And what else has changed? I have different expressions now, and a different intonation. But I've speaking to a friend on msn and telling her how I'm coming home in September but I had this thought yesterday as to who are my friends left in Canada and when I go back, will i actually see anyone? I felt invalid but not really sorry for myself. It's not validation but the supreme notion that you go travelling, it fucks you up when you come home even if it's a short time especially if your closest friends aren't in st. catharines, or even Canada (the ones in Taiwan).
And I already had an anxiety dream about one particular person and seeing them and this person just not acknowledging me and it making me distressed and frustrated and really just embarrassed. It's this pre-supposed superstition I have that I can change the way people think, or the wish that I could but really I can't expect anyone to react the way I do, which makes me want make my bed a semi violent way. And really, I've been nice and cool and all that stuff, but it's so aggravating! I'm the absolute worst at severed relationships, I wish that when I say outloud, I hate someone that I actually as opposed to forgiving them and wanting to be their friend again.
It's a bit of cage drama. I keep running into similar scenarios that don't end beautifully but the climax vs. denoument is always quite lame. But it plateaus and then I'm just annoyed.
Truth be told though, I definitely know people who pull a lot of shit, whether accidental or purposeful.
This is definitely the fever talking.
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