According to our resident medic Hazel, I had food poisoning. Yesterday was not pretty. Today I only had a headache thankfully as it was my first day of work experience. In the 9 hours that I was there, I learnt so much. It's difficult to make this statement after working somewhere for one day, but I suppose since I'm not being paid to work there I can say it, but I actually quite enjoy it. I hit the ground running and by the end of the day I was calling different publications to place our products. It was quite intimidating at the start but I feel far more comfortable with it, even after two hours. Plus I am Stevie's protege so it's good to have someone who can go through everything step by step. I haven't trained for a new job in nearly 3 years now and I forgot how long it takes to get comfortable and feel confident. But I need to speed it up if I want employment of any variety. Faking it obviously, because on the inside, I'm clearly shy and a bit shaken.
So all in all, good day. And I'm having Chinese for dinner and watching more Twin Peaks. Then most likely going to bed at 11:00pm and doing this all again tomorrow. I'm officially grown up. So grown up that I'm doing 9-6.
Monday 30 April 2007
Sunday 29 April 2007
too much meat
My tummy hates me this afternoon. I'm lying in bed, feeling naceous watching Twin Peaks. I soon have to pretend like I care and clean up our room.
Steak round 2 last night was a bad life choice.
This had better not be the flu because I actually have to start work tomorrow. The first time in nearly 7 months.
why?
Steak round 2 last night was a bad life choice.
This had better not be the flu because I actually have to start work tomorrow. The first time in nearly 7 months.
why?
Saturday 28 April 2007
knife
Could one assume that with paralyzing blisters on my feet that I couldn't injure them any more? Well you're wrong. As was I.
I was doing the dishes yesterday afternoon, having a lovely time with myself, singing along to Magic (radio station that plays mids nineties soft rock) when I realized that I still know (actually I don't know how I knew this at all really) all the words to Shania Twain's "Still the One". I washed a knife and was putting it into the rack when it slid from my hand and as it was falling, instead of thinking, I should move my feet, I thought, damn, I'll have to wash it again. Of course it lands prick down straight into my baby toe.
I am essentially a walking, washing accident waiting to happen.
To make up for it Tet, Suzy, Chris and I had a lovely evening out in the back garden, bbqing and having a laugh whilst listening to the musical stylings that is Virgin Groove, perhaps the best radio station since it is hit after hit and semi-ironic to listen to when two "men" are bbqing a lovely piece of pork (and my God! it was amazing, says the Jewish girl from Canadia).
I can hardly walk now but I can eat!!
And by the way, I got my work experience placement at PR consultancy. I start Monday.
I was doing the dishes yesterday afternoon, having a lovely time with myself, singing along to Magic (radio station that plays mids nineties soft rock) when I realized that I still know (actually I don't know how I knew this at all really) all the words to Shania Twain's "Still the One". I washed a knife and was putting it into the rack when it slid from my hand and as it was falling, instead of thinking, I should move my feet, I thought, damn, I'll have to wash it again. Of course it lands prick down straight into my baby toe.
I am essentially a walking, washing accident waiting to happen.
To make up for it Tet, Suzy, Chris and I had a lovely evening out in the back garden, bbqing and having a laugh whilst listening to the musical stylings that is Virgin Groove, perhaps the best radio station since it is hit after hit and semi-ironic to listen to when two "men" are bbqing a lovely piece of pork (and my God! it was amazing, says the Jewish girl from Canadia).
I can hardly walk now but I can eat!!
And by the way, I got my work experience placement at PR consultancy. I start Monday.
Thursday 26 April 2007
tummy
After lunch I went for a walk around Oxford st. since I was in the neighbourhood. Chris went back to work.
I then left the neighbourhood around 4ish because my foot was throbbing. I came home watched a dvd and tucked up in bed only for Chris to come home at 6:30pm and make fun of me. But he was slightly delirious as well because he had been working for 8 hours and was tired. So we were being massively silly when we both started tapping on our tummies. We were doing drum beats then I punned and said "ha ha tum and bass" Then he sprung up with this intense look in his eyes, grabbed his bass guitar and said "right, honey, start the beat" and this was done in all seriousness. He's all about the Tum and Bass. Suffice to say, I couldn't stop laughing. I love when people take ridiculously silly things seriously, and mister seems to have the reputation for doing that. We then proceeded to jam until my tummy started to turn red.
Also I'm dating someone who brags about the high arches of his feet. I've met someone who loves their feet as much as I love mine (not really for the time being because they hurt and I can't even point my toes).
Damnit. I don't mean to brag about it or really demonstrate emotions in a public forum but I friggin love him so much!!
And speaking of...doesn't this blasted song get in your head too? It's like the "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" of 2007.
I then left the neighbourhood around 4ish because my foot was throbbing. I came home watched a dvd and tucked up in bed only for Chris to come home at 6:30pm and make fun of me. But he was slightly delirious as well because he had been working for 8 hours and was tired. So we were being massively silly when we both started tapping on our tummies. We were doing drum beats then I punned and said "ha ha tum and bass" Then he sprung up with this intense look in his eyes, grabbed his bass guitar and said "right, honey, start the beat" and this was done in all seriousness. He's all about the Tum and Bass. Suffice to say, I couldn't stop laughing. I love when people take ridiculously silly things seriously, and mister seems to have the reputation for doing that. We then proceeded to jam until my tummy started to turn red.
Also I'm dating someone who brags about the high arches of his feet. I've met someone who loves their feet as much as I love mine (not really for the time being because they hurt and I can't even point my toes).
Damnit. I don't mean to brag about it or really demonstrate emotions in a public forum but I friggin love him so much!!
And speaking of...doesn't this blasted song get in your head too? It's like the "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" of 2007.
Germanic
I had my interview for work experience at the PR consultancy which went quite well because I hardly had to speak. It's really just a matter of space for me to start there but I'm phoning tomorrow and will receive the full details.
I did however make the unfortunate decision of wearing the "heels that never give me blisters". Guess what? When you hustle to the tube and ride the sweaty Victoria line and walk half a mile after that, you get blisters, even in the "heels that never give me blisters". I haven't left the house in two days. My feet are throbbing. And adding insult to mortgage payments, everyone at the house is injured in some way (minus Suzy who is just perpetually tired). Hazel pulled her back, Tet was hit by a car and broke his toe, and Chris can't turn left because he's reading manuscripts at his work experience placement all day.
However we all put on our brave faces last night, minus Suzy because she was doing work, and plus Martin because he wanted to see this film on Friday and went to see "The Lives of Others" which was fantastic! Chris did make the comment about how the cinema was full (we live in middle class, white Angel, of course everyone reads the Guardian and sees foreign films). Regardless it's a great film. Those heart-felt Germans. I really have yet to see a shit German film. I have yet to see "Down Fall" but I hear it's the worst romantic comeday Pez has ever seen.
I'm going to meet Chris at Fopp cafe for lunch and a present. And speaking of which, Heman sent us a blender/food processor as a thanks for letting him sleep on our sofa. Chris promptly sent me this text back after having texted the house to inform them of our gift:
Yes! Let's get blending! I can totes make breakfast smoothies...(then said something mildly insulting but entirely ironic).
But seriously, thanks Heman! I can have milkshakes everyday now.
I did however make the unfortunate decision of wearing the "heels that never give me blisters". Guess what? When you hustle to the tube and ride the sweaty Victoria line and walk half a mile after that, you get blisters, even in the "heels that never give me blisters". I haven't left the house in two days. My feet are throbbing. And adding insult to mortgage payments, everyone at the house is injured in some way (minus Suzy who is just perpetually tired). Hazel pulled her back, Tet was hit by a car and broke his toe, and Chris can't turn left because he's reading manuscripts at his work experience placement all day.
However we all put on our brave faces last night, minus Suzy because she was doing work, and plus Martin because he wanted to see this film on Friday and went to see "The Lives of Others" which was fantastic! Chris did make the comment about how the cinema was full (we live in middle class, white Angel, of course everyone reads the Guardian and sees foreign films). Regardless it's a great film. Those heart-felt Germans. I really have yet to see a shit German film. I have yet to see "Down Fall" but I hear it's the worst romantic comeday Pez has ever seen.
I'm going to meet Chris at Fopp cafe for lunch and a present. And speaking of which, Heman sent us a blender/food processor as a thanks for letting him sleep on our sofa. Chris promptly sent me this text back after having texted the house to inform them of our gift:
Yes! Let's get blending! I can totes make breakfast smoothies...(then said something mildly insulting but entirely ironic).
But seriously, thanks Heman! I can have milkshakes everyday now.
Sunday 22 April 2007
so silly
Spme dude wrote this on Chris' hardly ever written on blog.
He just asked if I fancy Todd more than him.
Apparently he's more manly. It's still really funny.
todd93 said...
U suc dude.this is the gayest thing I have ever seen.why dont u send ur gf round mine he he
19 April 2007 11:10
He just asked if I fancy Todd more than him.
Apparently he's more manly. It's still really funny.
todd93 said...
U suc dude.this is the gayest thing I have ever seen.why dont u send ur gf round mine he he
19 April 2007 11:10
cheeseburger
Because when I was hungover on Saturday (I fail at my own rules as one can see. Haven't I complained about more hangovers since saying: "I'm not drinking for the whole of April than I have ever before? I hate myself) I kept talking about them.
But Friday night was fun. And I wasn't really that hungover, mostly tired from the construction workers at 8:00am on Saturday shouting. A bunch of friends came over and we had a few bottles of wine. And Sid discussed his feelings. It was lovely.
Here are the photos from last weekend at Stevie's bbq. Alex smoked fish hence the fish heads...
But Friday night was fun. And I wasn't really that hungover, mostly tired from the construction workers at 8:00am on Saturday shouting. A bunch of friends came over and we had a few bottles of wine. And Sid discussed his feelings. It was lovely.
Here are the photos from last weekend at Stevie's bbq. Alex smoked fish hence the fish heads...
Thursday 19 April 2007
stuffed with
So things have been a bit hectic and a bit hungover around here.
Saturday night=temporary insanity coupled with 3/4 vodka, 1/4 orange pop. That was after three glasses of white wine and before another measuring of that kind. This lead to:
somone at Stevie's taking out their polystyrene ceiling tiles from a bag and hurling them around, someone else putting them in their mouth (I can't remember who now...) and then me going up to them, ripping it from their mouth with my mouth which ultimately lead to mass distruction. There were about 7 of us completely distroying these unused ceiling tiles creating this massive mess. Then everyone sort of calmed down. I was the exception. Well I was sitting and shreading these tiles (for some reason unknown, even to myself) because those little balls start sticking to your hand (I guess that's reason enough...). Then Stevie's boyfriend, who was in another room came over (vague memory)and I can't remember the interaction that took place but I woke up the next morning thinking that he must HATE ME!
Sunday was dirty hangover day. Well just bumping headache day.
Monday was violently clean the house day. It's pretty nice around here. It was also the day that Tet was hit by a car and needed to be taken to A/E (ER). But he only fractured his toe, but has to walk around with this ugly looking shoe thingy but he's Japanese and really hip, he's pulling it off.
Tuesday Stevie put Chris and I on the guest list to an event at the ICA for O2's Undiscovered, a band competition. But my god! Hipster went there to die (or basically be seen and air kiss eachother or to go off and have sex with Donny Tourette, who for the longest time, or at least since celebrity big brother I thought his name was Johnny until Chris corrected me yesterday. Lame!). I'm so sick of people who have to try so hard though, and they're scattered all over London. These two girls sort of hip swayed in front of us and Chris and I both just had to snicker. As Chris said: "this isn't LA, take your stupid sunglass off!". I'm becoming more cynical as the days go on. But the good news is that Stevie's boyfriend was there along with her flatmate Sian and everything was cool and I hadn't taken full advantage of the free bar therefore I was acting like my usually reserved self and not destroying everything in my sight. (Just criticizing idiots to death. Here's a hint: think white knee socks, ugly patent leather/wooden heeled shoes with a white baby doll dress and blue underwear to boot, it's not a good look).
So Wednesday was dull in comparison. Chris and I are getting through season 2 of Twin Peaks which is leading us to both have disturbing dreams and we are both reluctant to fall asleep. I'll go more in detail about them at a later time. And today is gorgeous in London so we're getting boyfriend a new pair of shoes (literally) and perhaps going to St. James' Park.
My interview at the PR firm got pushed back until Tuesday (for work experience) so I can take it easy until then really. Stevie has instilled a lot of confidence in me so I'm feeling better about myself professionally and personally.
Photos of the chaos on Saturday will be up shortly. Our router at home doesn't work and the photos are saved the Macbook which doesn't have internet. For some reason, there are a lot of photos that feature Sid's bum crack.
Saturday night=temporary insanity coupled with 3/4 vodka, 1/4 orange pop. That was after three glasses of white wine and before another measuring of that kind. This lead to:
somone at Stevie's taking out their polystyrene ceiling tiles from a bag and hurling them around, someone else putting them in their mouth (I can't remember who now...) and then me going up to them, ripping it from their mouth with my mouth which ultimately lead to mass distruction. There were about 7 of us completely distroying these unused ceiling tiles creating this massive mess. Then everyone sort of calmed down. I was the exception. Well I was sitting and shreading these tiles (for some reason unknown, even to myself) because those little balls start sticking to your hand (I guess that's reason enough...). Then Stevie's boyfriend, who was in another room came over (vague memory)and I can't remember the interaction that took place but I woke up the next morning thinking that he must HATE ME!
Sunday was dirty hangover day. Well just bumping headache day.
Monday was violently clean the house day. It's pretty nice around here. It was also the day that Tet was hit by a car and needed to be taken to A/E (ER). But he only fractured his toe, but has to walk around with this ugly looking shoe thingy but he's Japanese and really hip, he's pulling it off.
Tuesday Stevie put Chris and I on the guest list to an event at the ICA for O2's Undiscovered, a band competition. But my god! Hipster went there to die (or basically be seen and air kiss eachother or to go off and have sex with Donny Tourette, who for the longest time, or at least since celebrity big brother I thought his name was Johnny until Chris corrected me yesterday. Lame!). I'm so sick of people who have to try so hard though, and they're scattered all over London. These two girls sort of hip swayed in front of us and Chris and I both just had to snicker. As Chris said: "this isn't LA, take your stupid sunglass off!". I'm becoming more cynical as the days go on. But the good news is that Stevie's boyfriend was there along with her flatmate Sian and everything was cool and I hadn't taken full advantage of the free bar therefore I was acting like my usually reserved self and not destroying everything in my sight. (Just criticizing idiots to death. Here's a hint: think white knee socks, ugly patent leather/wooden heeled shoes with a white baby doll dress and blue underwear to boot, it's not a good look).
So Wednesday was dull in comparison. Chris and I are getting through season 2 of Twin Peaks which is leading us to both have disturbing dreams and we are both reluctant to fall asleep. I'll go more in detail about them at a later time. And today is gorgeous in London so we're getting boyfriend a new pair of shoes (literally) and perhaps going to St. James' Park.
My interview at the PR firm got pushed back until Tuesday (for work experience) so I can take it easy until then really. Stevie has instilled a lot of confidence in me so I'm feeling better about myself professionally and personally.
Photos of the chaos on Saturday will be up shortly. Our router at home doesn't work and the photos are saved the Macbook which doesn't have internet. For some reason, there are a lot of photos that feature Sid's bum crack.
Saturday 14 April 2007
+ - less
I spoke way too soon. Our internet is rejecting our life force. It's so sad. But mostly frustrating.
However on the plus side, it's around 25c and sunny! I sat in the square and actually sweat. It's was great (yet slightly gross). Chris and I are at an internet cafe (obviously...he and I can't go 12 hours without the geekchat).
Tonight we're all heading over to a bbq at Manor House hosted by Stevie (see photos below). The no-alcohol rule might be broken because I have a hankering for a cold glass of wine which may come as a surprise to most because I mostly find whites putrid and far too sweet. Is this relevant? No. I'm trying to make the Southern Ontarians jealous because I heard it was snowing yesterday from my dad. Sorry. (ha!)
I'm clearly losing all my wit. This blog is becoming rubbish again but I was thinking today about my conversation yesterday with Rachel and how we both had no drama in our lives to discuss for once. I then realized that I'm in a placid relationship with Christopher which is always a reassuring thought if you're the kind of girl who doesn't appreciate drama.
On the downside, I'm becoming the girl who has nothing else to discuss except her silly boyfriend. I honestly have nothing more probative to say though. Aside from the fact that I'm overheated.
However on the plus side, it's around 25c and sunny! I sat in the square and actually sweat. It's was great (yet slightly gross). Chris and I are at an internet cafe (obviously...he and I can't go 12 hours without the geekchat).
Tonight we're all heading over to a bbq at Manor House hosted by Stevie (see photos below). The no-alcohol rule might be broken because I have a hankering for a cold glass of wine which may come as a surprise to most because I mostly find whites putrid and far too sweet. Is this relevant? No. I'm trying to make the Southern Ontarians jealous because I heard it was snowing yesterday from my dad. Sorry. (ha!)
I'm clearly losing all my wit. This blog is becoming rubbish again but I was thinking today about my conversation yesterday with Rachel and how we both had no drama in our lives to discuss for once. I then realized that I'm in a placid relationship with Christopher which is always a reassuring thought if you're the kind of girl who doesn't appreciate drama.
On the downside, I'm becoming the girl who has nothing else to discuss except her silly boyfriend. I honestly have nothing more probative to say though. Aside from the fact that I'm overheated.
Friday 13 April 2007
-less
omg.
Our internet has been down for the past three days and needless to say my life fell apart. However I did get the change to head over to Hyde Park with Chris and Hazel to absorb some vitamin D and sit by the Princess Diana memorial fountain river thingy and discuss baby names and Disney films.
And today I spoke to my Rachel who imparts a great amount of wisdom when someone so despereately needs some, or even just moderately. But it's so great to hear her voice since at home we chatted at least 4 times a week. As I said before, I feel it's very important to stay in contact with all my friends from home and with modern day communications (when they're not having issues such as our filter apparently) it's ver easy. But Brynn is hopefully sending me some sort of Taiwanese package full of her love which I anticipate so she had better send it! (that's a bit of an empty threat).
This weekend shall be alcohol free. I'm doing quite well abstaining from alcohol. And tonight we might even barbeque! Reggae reggae sauce.
And Chris has just informed me of NME's biggest news ever! Aside from Arctic Monkeys and their brilliant live show (bah whatevs!) the Libertines might get backtogether.
omg.
Our internet has been down for the past three days and needless to say my life fell apart. However I did get the change to head over to Hyde Park with Chris and Hazel to absorb some vitamin D and sit by the Princess Diana memorial fountain river thingy and discuss baby names and Disney films.
And today I spoke to my Rachel who imparts a great amount of wisdom when someone so despereately needs some, or even just moderately. But it's so great to hear her voice since at home we chatted at least 4 times a week. As I said before, I feel it's very important to stay in contact with all my friends from home and with modern day communications (when they're not having issues such as our filter apparently) it's ver easy. But Brynn is hopefully sending me some sort of Taiwanese package full of her love which I anticipate so she had better send it! (that's a bit of an empty threat).
This weekend shall be alcohol free. I'm doing quite well abstaining from alcohol. And tonight we might even barbeque! Reggae reggae sauce.
And Chris has just informed me of NME's biggest news ever! Aside from Arctic Monkeys and their brilliant live show (bah whatevs!) the Libertines might get backtogether.
omg.
Tuesday 10 April 2007
nice
I hear the ice cream truck outside the window. I also hear that it's -5c in Toronto right now. I feel badly for you. It's 20c here and sunny. London rain? Paaaalease.
This week has already booming with high expectations but I've received two letters of good fortunes from friends. One from my 23 year old friend Rachel (I have another who is 29 but we're still 16 together). I was so excited to see post at my doorstep and she can be sure that I'll be her penpal and frankly will be anyone else's penpal who allows it. I also received the best message from my friend Alessandro. Now I don't want to embarrass him but he's the loveliest guy sending the most wonderful, inspiring words my way. Not to gush but he's great and truly made my day!
It was actually perfect timing because as I'm sure anyone could have guessed from the last post I've been feeling a bit down (but not really, it was only last week for about two days) but I suppose the worst bit is that you do forgot all the great things about yourself when someone hits you with something awful (and realistically untrue). I hate that it's easy to forget all the great things true friends have to offer and the positive things that people think about you should be the only ones that matter and that one person's deluded and some what morphed opinion of you isn't condusive to who you actually are since really, they hardly know you or perhaps didn't really know you at all (or maybe I just didn't know them which is proving itself to be the ultimate truth). Blah blah blah Rachel and Alessandro both reminded me of that. So I should have a lighter bounce in my step because of it!
Schmoltzy enough?
Last night Jurassic Park was on TV. I love dinosaurs. But that film still scares the hell out of me. Imagine explaining the death of one of the characters to someone in their family:
"I'm sorry, but your son, the lawyer was eaten by a T Rex when he was sitting on the john".
Yup these are the sorts of things that I think about when distracting myself from the terrifying films.
Scary Movie 2 was on earlier yesterday evening as well. (It scared me a little bit too). But mostly it's stupid.
This week has already booming with high expectations but I've received two letters of good fortunes from friends. One from my 23 year old friend Rachel (I have another who is 29 but we're still 16 together). I was so excited to see post at my doorstep and she can be sure that I'll be her penpal and frankly will be anyone else's penpal who allows it. I also received the best message from my friend Alessandro. Now I don't want to embarrass him but he's the loveliest guy sending the most wonderful, inspiring words my way. Not to gush but he's great and truly made my day!
It was actually perfect timing because as I'm sure anyone could have guessed from the last post I've been feeling a bit down (but not really, it was only last week for about two days) but I suppose the worst bit is that you do forgot all the great things about yourself when someone hits you with something awful (and realistically untrue). I hate that it's easy to forget all the great things true friends have to offer and the positive things that people think about you should be the only ones that matter and that one person's deluded and some what morphed opinion of you isn't condusive to who you actually are since really, they hardly know you or perhaps didn't really know you at all (or maybe I just didn't know them which is proving itself to be the ultimate truth). Blah blah blah Rachel and Alessandro both reminded me of that. So I should have a lighter bounce in my step because of it!
Schmoltzy enough?
Last night Jurassic Park was on TV. I love dinosaurs. But that film still scares the hell out of me. Imagine explaining the death of one of the characters to someone in their family:
"I'm sorry, but your son, the lawyer was eaten by a T Rex when he was sitting on the john".
Yup these are the sorts of things that I think about when distracting myself from the terrifying films.
Scary Movie 2 was on earlier yesterday evening as well. (It scared me a little bit too). But mostly it's stupid.
Monday 9 April 2007
matured cheddar
I have this theory, or rather a way of life that would be ideal and heavenly if it could come to fruition. Imagine being pushed around in a stroller all day, being fed, napping but being capable of having intense and meaningful thoughts and possesing the capabilites to convey these thoughts to figures around you? You could philosophize every day without worrying to feed yourself. Whenever I see children being pushed around I think that's what I'd like but of course being able to have the mental thought process I have now.
The more days go past, the worse my agoraphobia is becoming.
I also was thinking some horrible thought last week. I received an unpleasant email which led to a downward spiral of feeling bad about myself for no bloody reason at all. I felt that if I returned to Canadad, I would feel horribley displaced and basically rejected not only by the peole but the setting itself. Then I felt a sort of displacement here in jolly ol' because this email that really shouldn't have affected me at all made me feel bad about my situation here. And then I started doubting myself. I started thinking "what if this is what everyone else really does think of me, what if I am really just fooling myself into believing who am I but it's not really me?" Then I felt really displaced here and became sensitive to no matter what anyone said. And I teared up in the hallway of my boyfriend's parent's house and he came over and hugged me but I doubt he understood the gravity of what I was feeling.
Then I sort of felt what it would it be like to not exist and to not be able to feel displaced unless of course the feeling of unexistance would cause you to believe that you're important enough to exist therefore would feel disenfranchised from that very feeling and ultimately would have to exist.
Did I feel 21? no. Do I feel 22? hardly. Even 23? not so much. I'm the heart and soul of some sort of french pseudo-and/or neo-existentialist trapped in the mindset of a 3 year old. Being tooted around and hugged in the hallway whilst dreaming of a void is comforting enough.
The more days go past, the worse my agoraphobia is becoming.
I also was thinking some horrible thought last week. I received an unpleasant email which led to a downward spiral of feeling bad about myself for no bloody reason at all. I felt that if I returned to Canadad, I would feel horribley displaced and basically rejected not only by the peole but the setting itself. Then I felt a sort of displacement here in jolly ol' because this email that really shouldn't have affected me at all made me feel bad about my situation here. And then I started doubting myself. I started thinking "what if this is what everyone else really does think of me, what if I am really just fooling myself into believing who am I but it's not really me?" Then I felt really displaced here and became sensitive to no matter what anyone said. And I teared up in the hallway of my boyfriend's parent's house and he came over and hugged me but I doubt he understood the gravity of what I was feeling.
Then I sort of felt what it would it be like to not exist and to not be able to feel displaced unless of course the feeling of unexistance would cause you to believe that you're important enough to exist therefore would feel disenfranchised from that very feeling and ultimately would have to exist.
Did I feel 21? no. Do I feel 22? hardly. Even 23? not so much. I'm the heart and soul of some sort of french pseudo-and/or neo-existentialist trapped in the mindset of a 3 year old. Being tooted around and hugged in the hallway whilst dreaming of a void is comforting enough.
Wednesday 4 April 2007
tomorrow's
This is what it consists of:
Suzy and I will find the Luella winkle pickers! I am her personal stylist seeing as we've been in many shops together and the staff aproach us asking if we need help. pfft. I know how clothes should fit thanks (obviously said in a much more polite manner involving me smiling and saying, "no, we're alright thanks". Mundane detail? I think not). They're silver and amazing and we need to have them. Well Suzy can afford to buy them, I'm along for the ride. And thankfully the ride is the same shoe size.
Also tomorrow consists of harassing my friend who works at a PR firm about the potential work experience escapade.
Lastly, sending my love to Pez and is constant frustration. But sweet pea, if you're reading this, I have a story for you.
Ultimately, tonight I was informed that some brummie girl from Saturday night had leaned in to kiss me. I don't remember so thank you Tet for watching so keenly as to come back with a full report. I'm sorry if you were vying for something to happen and it didn't. But perhaps these photos from Saturday night will suffice (and note the one of me dancing alone with "the girl"):
also, these have been stolen from friends on facebook/there was a smoke machine in the bar...
Suzy and I will find the Luella winkle pickers! I am her personal stylist seeing as we've been in many shops together and the staff aproach us asking if we need help. pfft. I know how clothes should fit thanks (obviously said in a much more polite manner involving me smiling and saying, "no, we're alright thanks". Mundane detail? I think not). They're silver and amazing and we need to have them. Well Suzy can afford to buy them, I'm along for the ride. And thankfully the ride is the same shoe size.
Also tomorrow consists of harassing my friend who works at a PR firm about the potential work experience escapade.
Lastly, sending my love to Pez and is constant frustration. But sweet pea, if you're reading this, I have a story for you.
Ultimately, tonight I was informed that some brummie girl from Saturday night had leaned in to kiss me. I don't remember so thank you Tet for watching so keenly as to come back with a full report. I'm sorry if you were vying for something to happen and it didn't. But perhaps these photos from Saturday night will suffice (and note the one of me dancing alone with "the girl"):
also, these have been stolen from friends on facebook/there was a smoke machine in the bar...
Tuesday 3 April 2007
cube.
Sticking with the theme of tv, I'm completely addicted to Entourage. I have seasons 1-3 downloaded thanks to a friend and I'm half way through the 2nd. It could never replace Curb however. And really that's all that needs to be said about that.
Now here comes the big life style change speech. It has to do with two main factors: my attitude and my alcohol intake.
My Attitude:
I assume most people who read this know me, (but if not you lurk out my life which is equally as fun as I read strangers blogs too) know that overall I'm a nice person. I'm never moody with my friends, I very rarely get angry and have never taken it out on anyone (boyfriends excluded), I keep my life very private as I am quite guarded. Well I indulge on silly things but never on the big stuff. A few select people know intense information about me, and that's great. I don't fear this info being spread (minus one case but that's a different story).
Ok tangent, let's streamline and get back to the point. So I'd like to think that I'm an all around nice person who treats people with the respect and dignity that they deserve. I'm not perfect, nor am I professing any sort of self righteous indignation (not this time at least) but something has come to my atention, something that has been on the back burner for most of my life, a sort of trend I perform that is getting out of control.
Like everyone ever, people have done shitty things to me. And I tend not to discuss this except with trustworthy parties. But here is the clencher, when someone does something shitty to me, I spin it around in my head and distort the idea placing the blame on myself. Then I ended up protecting and even defending the shitty party. Now an apology is one, and they are accepted whole-heartedly and I am a very forgiving person but I'm bloody sick of defending the these people who are in the wrong, or at least do something in a tactless way. I'm sick of protecting people who don't need it and shouldn't require it as it's obvious they wouldn't do the same for me.
I've resisted embarassment for one person in particular by absolving the fault on me, and even defending this person to an authority figure and I've got absolutely nothing to show for it. Actually I'm in the negative. I've defended this person for years now, and I'm sick of it. And I'm done.
Lifestyle change number 1: just stop. stop everything. if something comes of it then fine. if not. too bad.
My Alcohol Intake:
Red wine with dinner, red wine at the pub. It's becoming a slippery slope (not of alcoholism but with feeling terrible in the morning and bloating!!). So April is detox month. Minus this Friday for Pez's birthday I'm not drinking. I'm sick of feeling terrible the next day and being useless. I eat less but drink more. So on this assumption I will hopefully lose this liquor weight quickly.
Other than that, it's business as usual. I had a great weekend back in Birmingham for another friend's birthday where everyone was there. And the day after (being Sunday) I essentially polished off the platter of cheese that Chris' mother had prepared.
Now here comes the big life style change speech. It has to do with two main factors: my attitude and my alcohol intake.
My Attitude:
I assume most people who read this know me, (but if not you lurk out my life which is equally as fun as I read strangers blogs too) know that overall I'm a nice person. I'm never moody with my friends, I very rarely get angry and have never taken it out on anyone (boyfriends excluded), I keep my life very private as I am quite guarded. Well I indulge on silly things but never on the big stuff. A few select people know intense information about me, and that's great. I don't fear this info being spread (minus one case but that's a different story).
Ok tangent, let's streamline and get back to the point. So I'd like to think that I'm an all around nice person who treats people with the respect and dignity that they deserve. I'm not perfect, nor am I professing any sort of self righteous indignation (not this time at least) but something has come to my atention, something that has been on the back burner for most of my life, a sort of trend I perform that is getting out of control.
Like everyone ever, people have done shitty things to me. And I tend not to discuss this except with trustworthy parties. But here is the clencher, when someone does something shitty to me, I spin it around in my head and distort the idea placing the blame on myself. Then I ended up protecting and even defending the shitty party. Now an apology is one, and they are accepted whole-heartedly and I am a very forgiving person but I'm bloody sick of defending the these people who are in the wrong, or at least do something in a tactless way. I'm sick of protecting people who don't need it and shouldn't require it as it's obvious they wouldn't do the same for me.
I've resisted embarassment for one person in particular by absolving the fault on me, and even defending this person to an authority figure and I've got absolutely nothing to show for it. Actually I'm in the negative. I've defended this person for years now, and I'm sick of it. And I'm done.
Lifestyle change number 1: just stop. stop everything. if something comes of it then fine. if not. too bad.
My Alcohol Intake:
Red wine with dinner, red wine at the pub. It's becoming a slippery slope (not of alcoholism but with feeling terrible in the morning and bloating!!). So April is detox month. Minus this Friday for Pez's birthday I'm not drinking. I'm sick of feeling terrible the next day and being useless. I eat less but drink more. So on this assumption I will hopefully lose this liquor weight quickly.
Other than that, it's business as usual. I had a great weekend back in Birmingham for another friend's birthday where everyone was there. And the day after (being Sunday) I essentially polished off the platter of cheese that Chris' mother had prepared.
variety.
Considering that I've moved to a seperate continent I'm not one to make this statement but change is shit. Especially if something is fantastic to start off with like digital cable. Then you move to the country and can only get satelite which in Canada is essentially shit. Basically it's the same thing but satelite is far more complicated, moodier than cable, has far too many channels with nothing on and hates responding to your remote's signal. You yell at the satelite box, and tug away on te cord leading to the actual dish but realize the error in your ways and try to caress it, and let it know that you didn't mean to jerk it around. And it appreciates that, and responds to this by playing what you want, with crystal clear picture, not sending out a fuzzy signal but then a lighting bolt fries the system and you left with frayed wires and the black and white screen I can sometimes find scary (no I haven't seen White Noise mainly because I'm positive it's horrifying). Then you move to the UK where it's simple viewing because you have terrestrial (sp??) tv with five channels. And BBC doesn't have ad breaks. However some British tv is less than desirable and clealry it's not the same as cable, not better nor worse just easier to follow with less interruptions.
I guess change isn't really shit. Well changing from good to shit is obviously shit. But if you can reprogram yourself then you can go from good to shit to not neccesarily better than good but definitely not worse, but of course better than shit. If only CSI was on iTV all day. Wait, iTV is shit. British tv is a bit shit actually. But the picture is much clearer and it's guranteed to always stay and guess what? All of England is going digital in just a few short months (I think...).
Do you copy?
I guess change isn't really shit. Well changing from good to shit is obviously shit. But if you can reprogram yourself then you can go from good to shit to not neccesarily better than good but definitely not worse, but of course better than shit. If only CSI was on iTV all day. Wait, iTV is shit. British tv is a bit shit actually. But the picture is much clearer and it's guranteed to always stay and guess what? All of England is going digital in just a few short months (I think...).
Do you copy?
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