still not done

So this is perfection. Quiet Stourbridge, car, cheese platter, cable television, warm house, boyfiend's jumper, and me sitting alone listening to Soulwax after being chastised by Chris "don't talk to me about shitting new British music", boyfriend.

And I can't believe I have to be back at work on Thursday. Also, completely in love with Paul Rudd. Jewish immigrant from England, he is the best of both worlds! My holiday has been supremely productive.

grand piano

It's been a gleeful time in Birmingham leading up to Christmas today. The cheese is about to be eaten by myself and 3 Bransons, and it's a plentiful platter. The one hiccup of these festivities is that I'm feeling really coldish today so I've only had half a glass of wine, when technically I should be on my second bottle by now (love the English!). But this little treat is what we got up to last night around Pez's. If you listen closely you can hear me, however I don't recommend it. Hearing yourself sing on play back is always discouraging, especially when trying to harmonise the high parts.

maternal and emotional

We went Christmas shopping tonight after work and this is a bit of a story but I've had these strange cravings to watch Disney films because of this show we watched weeks ago listing off the 100 best family films. Anyway, I bought Dumbo today and I did not expect this to happen. As soon as the movie started with the storks flying and Mrs. Jumbo looking into the air wondering where her baby is, I started absolutely balling. And then Dumbo arrives and I'm ok again. Then those mean elephants start making fun of his ears and that's it. I'm crying on my sofa and I don't stop until "Pink elephants on parade" which by the way, would never happen in a modern child's film (I don't understand drug induced sequences, even still).

When did I become way too emotional? Chris kept looking at me and he didn't know what to do. I kept saying "I think something must have happened to me when I was a child and watched this, there must be some Freudian reason why I can't control this crying". I actually have a headache from crying so much this evening.

23 and a day

After I woke up properly, I had a great birthday. Suzy came over for afternoon tea and pastries, we all went to the flower market then later that afternoon Chris and I went to Brick lane, had a Nando's then went to 5 St. Philips for burnt cherries and wine.

But back to Saturday night, and Les Trois Garcons. It was quite magical and we both ate so much, and my suave boyfriend had pre-ordered champagne for us upon our arrival to the table. I had foie gras, then salmon, then chocolate opera (I don't know what means but it was very rich). The salmon did actually melt in my mouth and was supremely stupendous. Chris ate so much that night that at around 3am, apparently he threw up (what exactly I won't say). But a sincerely amazing meal.

And for now, I'm going to enjoy my day off.

23

And I just severely over-slept and feel funny. I'm off to Brick lane and Columbia flower market to buy records and orchids.

22

Birthday weekend. Last night was disorganised fun with boyfriend. Quick drinks after work, then fish and chips, debating what to do, then settling on our local pub, and 12.5% Hoegarden and red wine. And tonight is meal night, i.e. reason for living on a plate and through decor. We're going back to Les Trois Garcons, the restaurant we went to last year for my 22nd birthday which is stunning. And we're doing cocktail first in their attached cocktail lounge. And this is all east London so we don't have to travel far, not that it's going to stop us from taking a taxi.

It's freezing cold here though. But I still managed to make it to the market to buy gourmet cheese and sausage for a snack because our reservations are for 9:45pm tonight, with cocktails starting at 9pm. Now my day consists of reading the paper, eating cupcakes, snuggling on the sofa, and listening to football, the latter of course is not by choice. Maybe I'll put a Hitchcock on. And only 3 more days of work left until Christmas holiday. We're back in Birmingham on the 21st I think, then perhaps off to Belgium on 26th if someone doesn't buckle down and commit to new years plans.

drinking problems

http://www.thechoiceisyours.com/en-gb/home.htm

I keep losing at the part where I have to carry the drinks. And I can actually read quite clearly when I'm pissed.

And according to alcoholawareness.co.uk, I have a drinking problem.

Tropical

Today is my day. Aside from the rain and me leaving my umbrella at work today, it's been a decent morning. Chris left early for Oxford and won't be back until around 2am and instead of being bored because I'm not being constantly entertained by him, I'm going to spend this time doing things I need to get done as well as enjoying time alone. We've now been living together alone for three months and whilst it's absolutely great, I've noticed we've become a bit nervy with each other. But I think that it's related to other incidents with me working all day and him sitting around and becoming slightly depressed.

I feel really bad about not being in better contact with friends from home right now. I'll fully admit that I've been quite caught up in myself and have borderlined on super obnoxious to supremely full of shit (in the nicest way possible). So today is good day to find a balance between everything. Not that I'm feeling lost because now really more than ever I feel like I'm at home however it makes me disconnect with Canada home and everything/everyone there. It's tricky now because I can't remember what it was like when I first moved here and lived here jobless for 8 month and everything I did accomplish personally has been a bit erased.

Nonetheless, moving forward. On Wednesday, I found this Mickey Mouse dvd that is the same vhs that a friend gave to me for my 6th birthday. So weird the things you remember.

square

I just logged on to facebook, saw I had 1 inbox, read the subject: Tova's Advice. First line of the message "I love a bi sexual man". I'm sure the person who sent that message might be a bit perturbed with me referring to it, but I suppose it's all part of this charmed life and the fact I have answers (or advice) for all. Sincerely needed that push to return to normal so huge thanks to the sender, so glad you thought of me.

Plus I work in Soho now so I see it all.

And speaking of, it's quite fantastic aside from the fact that I think Soho is like the Bermuda triangle. You always know landmarks and how to get there from the outside, but navigating from within it is nuts. I google mapped something about three streets away because I had no idea how to get there from within. I've been a bit manic so I haven't explored very much, but tomorrow I'm going to be a bit adventurous for lunch, perhaps do a wander and see a life beyond Pret, Eat or Vital.

I had a bit of a shocker on the weekend but I think I'm back to normal as a person. I've felt like there hasn't been a massive differentiation from my work self vs normal self vs weird self attempting to be outgoing but failing slightly. And to make things even better, Chris booked my birthday dinner and pre dinner drinks at the restaurant we went to last year, Les Trois Garcons which is this amazing french restaurant with the most eclectic, elaborate and quirky interiors located near Brick Lane. We went last year and it was an extraordinary experience and I'm really excited for my birthday now.

get the wrong idea and go

I've become a bit of a pit. An exaggerated version (now constantly) of my former self. January I completely detoxing myself, both alcoholically, verbally and physically. My jeans don't aren't really fitting me right now. This isn't really self criticism but you know when you say something or act a certain way and you float out of yourself and replay what you just said, or the way you acted again in your mind and think what a ****.

Which brings me to detoxing verbally. I blame PR and England for my ease and casual dropping of c--t. It's still funny whenever I say it at work because it comes unexpected but still, I haven't ever been comfortable saying it, and now I do about 10 times a day. I guess the one plus to this is that I'm still self aware, and brutally self conscience of

On a much happier note, Sugababes, Push the Button is on television right now. My sexy ass has got him in a new dimension. I like the bit when the girls are dancing in the lift. And lately, Chris and I sit around watching adverts and laughing and laughing. When did television become so funny?