baby

Let's face it, I'm broody. It's time for me to have a baby (yes, but not really...). This week's obsession is bearing child and eventually rearing it. I'm so awful that I am stare and awe at parents morning and evening on the bus ride home, listening out for names, parenting methodology, colour of teeny tiny wellies on their feet, envious of their buggies and blankeys. I really hope these parents don't think I want to seal their children. Most of vilely misbehaved, jumping up and down on the seats and I sit on tender hooks half-expecting them to chip their baby teeth. Either the parent gets angry then ties them back down in their pram or just let's them carry on with ruckus. I try to resolve the situation in my mind, if it was my child. I know this is me passing severe judgment on a scenario I know absolutely nothing about, but this isn't logical, it's astutely hormonal. And I'm not even the worst girl I know.

What's brought this on the most is I haven't had a drink since New Year's which is both a crowning achievement and sad admission. But it's bringing a whole new clarity, such as I really love my husband. Barf. He's equally funny sober as he is when I've had a half a bottle of wine. Am I painting a portrait of being an eventual good parent? Please may I remind you that I'm 25 and was a child bride? No, Chris is a good egg and always has been. And I have never not loved him. Why do I feel like this is a loaded post? I'm not implying anything by this, it all curtails into my broodiness.

We were on a train to Birmingham this weekend to celebrate his grandfather's 90th birthday and this dreadful older couple sat in front of us and it was so clear they hated each other. I think it mainly had to do with wife's squawky voice. When we got off the train, we promised to never ever be like that. I don't squawk to the best of my knowledge but Chris promised to call me out on that shit. Why would you want to beat your husband into such severe submission?

I guess I'm both broody and terrified.

happy back to work

I love when you start something new and fresh and it seems amazing and really exciting! This could be my childish excitement, I remember summer between grade 7 & 8 and feeling desperate to get back to school because I wanted to graduate then go to high school. I think that's a bit how I feel now. Career being put on hold for over a year and now everything is back on track. And I make no qualms about this: I am going to be amazing. I feel as though I'm entitled to say that because my confidence has been knocked back 5-fold this past year. Plus it's one facet of my life that I can't be positive about, always have to be self-deprecating and sarcastic. But yes, in my naive excitement and joy to be back at work in my new role, I have been given great project that I'm actually looking forward to working on over the next few months.

Granted we have mapped out our holidays for the year, all built around the World Cup which England will presumably lose and I'll have to deal with Mr Grumps for weeks but I'm hoping to come back to Canada either May or September. Haven't been home since September 2008. It doesn't feel as though it's been that long considering it's currently -2 outside today in London however I haven't seen my dad since September and my mum since October 2008 for our wedding. Jew guilt washes over me constantly but my mother is my number one fan so I know she's fine with me being here and living out the life that I set out. My dad on the other hand is becoming more and more difficult with each conversation. I spoke with him on Christmas day and got off the telephone so perturbed. I think his transition into golden years is going to be grossly controversial.

In others new, my bank statement just came through the door and I'm not terrified to look at it.