Let's face it, I'm broody. It's time for me to have a baby (yes, but not really...). This week's obsession is bearing child and eventually rearing it. I'm so awful that I am stare and awe at parents morning and evening on the bus ride home, listening out for names, parenting methodology, colour of teeny tiny wellies on their feet, envious of their buggies and blankeys. I really hope these parents don't think I want to seal their children. Most of vilely misbehaved, jumping up and down on the seats and I sit on tender hooks half-expecting them to chip their baby teeth. Either the parent gets angry then ties them back down in their pram or just let's them carry on with ruckus. I try to resolve the situation in my mind, if it was my child. I know this is me passing severe judgment on a scenario I know absolutely nothing about, but this isn't logical, it's astutely hormonal. And I'm not even the worst girl I know.
What's brought this on the most is I haven't had a drink since New Year's which is both a crowning achievement and sad admission. But it's bringing a whole new clarity, such as I really love my husband. Barf. He's equally funny sober as he is when I've had a half a bottle of wine. Am I painting a portrait of being an eventual good parent? Please may I remind you that I'm 25 and was a child bride? No, Chris is a good egg and always has been. And I have never not loved him. Why do I feel like this is a loaded post? I'm not implying anything by this, it all curtails into my broodiness.
We were on a train to Birmingham this weekend to celebrate his grandfather's 90th birthday and this dreadful older couple sat in front of us and it was so clear they hated each other. I think it mainly had to do with wife's squawky voice. When we got off the train, we promised to never ever be like that. I don't squawk to the best of my knowledge but Chris promised to call me out on that shit. Why would you want to beat your husband into such severe submission?
I guess I'm both broody and terrified.
4 comments:
i will not lie, i got very goofy-smile-like reading about your baby admiration/preparation. not that one has to follow traditions, but you did do the marriage step, so should a baby pop into the picture in the near future, it would be accepted with open arms.
i also love that you referred to yourself as a "child bride".
i see nothing wrong with if you wanted a baby now. every woman can feel it when it's the right time (if they choose that route), and if it's your time now then go for it. i know my day will come where i see a baby and my ovaries will start to hurt and yearn.
Frankly I blame the babies. They find me.
And yes absolutely, I think it's also because before I was focusing so much on career, I'm now on to the next step. Linear plan wise though- it's not going to happen for another 4 years.
Have you not entered brood yet? Speak with Chels, she's the worst.
OI! I resent that, regardless of its accuracy.
No, but seriously I sometimes actually well up with tears when I see them. Even the ugly ones! We're on a three year plan. It will be a miracle if I can hold off that long.
Sorry lovey! And that's so dangerous (ugly baby tears). I have yet to cry but I get all anxious and excited when I see attractive dads being sweet to their kiddies.
Hormones are bullshit.
How is your job going by the way?
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